RIP

Mookie passed away five and one half hours ago. A quick decline over the past couple of months was followed by a rapid one starting Christmas eve. She went to bed Boxing Day night and never left it.

So many memories flashing through my mind. Thankfulness that she came into our lives. That we were with her when she left (she hated to be left alone without us). We had plans to be overseas, and they were changed, and then we were scheduled to leave today.

16 and 2/3 years. Nearly a third of those years after a stomach tumor had people writing her off...frisbee player until the age of 13.

From here on in I will be writing memories.

Wednesday, July 29

AM walk, hot out but Mookie ok.  No peeing indoors yesterday or today.  Up stairs ok too.

Tuesday, July 28

Morning walk went fine.  A.  Went up stairs slowly but with no problem.

Six healthy Mookie months have gone by, her healthiest six months for as long as I can remember.  She's been a very peppy 15 year old, though she spend much, much more time sleeping than ever before.

She's taken turn for the worse, as of the beginning of this week.  She suddenly stopped eating, and slowed down in hear walks considerably.  Which is probably why I'm writing again.

Since she's fifteen, and since there have been occasions before (once at eleven she had what turned out to be a stomach tumor, and three times earlier this year she fainted for no apparent reason) I thought she was close to death, the thought of her death is always lingering.  Plus, of course, she is advanced in her years.

So I think about her death, how she will die, all the time.  When she is running around free in the park, I think what a wonderful day to die, to be running around one minute without a care, and be done with it the next, or even in a few hours.  I often have these thoughts.  

As little as a couple of weeks ago, she was running around.  After not eating for about five days, she seems to be having trouble coordinating her leg  movements.  It may be the floors of our new apartment, but I think she is getting weak.

I say she's not eating, well that's not exactly true.  She stopped eating, but the ve said do anything to get her to eat, so I've been feeding her chicken, which for intestinal reasons, she should not be eating.  I've also been frying cauliflower and broccoli, and adding a little oatmeal cereal to her dogfood, anything to get her to eat.

July 20, 2008

Sometimes I feel like Mookie is staying alive for us; because our existence depends on her, and to a degree it does. And I get the feeling she knows it, too, and taker her role very seriously.  

I took Mookie to Gleisdreieck Park (a large and unique urban park; part train depot, part war ruin, part nature) which I will explain at a later time) this morning.  Whenever I take her their I feel like she is resisting, but once she gets there she seems to be happy.  She barked at a couple of dogs on the way there, but played with one of them once they were offleash at the park.  

Up until a few weeks ago, I would have no misgivings about taking her to a park and letting her run around.  Then, at this same park, she had a fainting episode.  I don't know if she remembers this or associates this park with the episode, but I do.  I am unsure if her running around is good for her health or not; it certainly is not good in heat, which has been rare this summer in Berlin.

Mookie and I met a couple, or maybe two single people each walking their dogs; one had a black mixed breed larger than Mookie's and almost as old at fourteen.  She had similar white markings.  Mookie was very civil to her.

Today I became more conscious of walking and stopping wherever Mookie decided to stop . When I started to do this, she kept about 50 feet ahead of me throughout the rest of the walk.  Mookie has always been a run ahead dog.

July 19, 2008

Today is Saturday.  I took Mookie for her usual around the block (they have big blocks here) walk.  As is not usual recently, it looked like it was going to be a beautiful, sunny day early in the morning, but by the time we made it out, it was becoming overcast.  She did her usually sniffing and pooping.  She sniffed a little dog a the corner of Grossbaronstrasse for a couple seconds, and then lost interest, actually acting scared.  Sometimes she pulls on her leash, sometimes she pants; today was not too bad for either.

Took her usual allotment of pills and powders, pestered me for the leftover crumbs of granola and yogurt from my breakfast cereal, and is now lying on her couch by the window overlooking Möckernstrasse.

In the time we've lived in Berlin, things are not that different for her here than in Brooklyn during the week, aside from the fact our apartment is a third the size here, and Mookie has about a third of the number of places to hang out in.  She does probably miss weekends upstate, where she could go in and out at will and graze in the sun.   Those days are probably gone forever.

On the plus side, she gets to spend more time with Marianne, who, instead of spending 12 hours at work each day, works from home.